I know I’m not the only one. If you’re reading this and your child is no longer in your arms, I see you. I know how hard this day can be. Over the years, I’ve learned that there’s no “right” way to get through it. Some years I’ve needed quiet and to avoid the world. Other years I’ve wanted to do something in Kenzie’s memory. Grief moves like the tide—never the same twice.
For anyone supporting a bereaved mum this Mother’s Day, the best thing you can do is acknowledge them, remember their child, and follow their lead. Don’t be afraid to say their child's name—it’s a reminder that they mattered, and still do.
What I Found Helpful
It helps to be acknowledged
Even just a short message: “Thinking of you today. No need to reply.” It’s enough. You don’t have to have the perfect words—just show up. The silence can feel isolating, especially when it seems like the rest of the world has moved on.
Practical help goes a long way
When you’re running on empty emotionally, small practical things can make a big difference. A friend once messaged me: “I’m making dinner to drop off—mac and cheese or butter chicken?” Another offered to pop in and vacuum. These gestures might feel small, but they help carry a little of the ache and sadness.
Personal touches matter
If you know a bereaved māmā well, think about what she loves. A bunch of lilies. A cinnamon bun from her favourite café. A candle. Something that says, I see you. I remember. You don’t need to fix anything—you just need to care.
Let her lead the way
Grief changes. One year she might want to mark the day with her child’s favourite meal or a memory walk. The next, she might want to pull the curtains and let the day pass. Let her know she has permission to do whatever she needs. No expectations.
Stay off social media (if it helps)
Seeing endless Mother’s Day posts can feel like salt in the wound. It’s okay to log off. It’s okay to mute the noise. Protect your peace.
To all the māmā holding grief in their hearts this Sunday: you are still a mum. That doesn’t stop because your child isn’t here to bring you breakfast in bed or a handmade card. Your love for them didn’t end. It never will.
Sending love to you, from one bereaved māmā to another.
- By Kenzie & Conor's Mum, Nic Russell
