Kenzie’s Gift has created a supportive guide—How to talk to tamariki and mātātahi about assisted dying—to help parents, caregivers, and whānau navigate sensitive conversations in a truthful and compassionate way. By addressing common questions, offering age-appropriate language, and suggesting practical steps, this resource enables you to approach an emotionally charged topic without fear and ensures children receive the reassurance they need.

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Why This Guide Is Essential

Honesty Fosters Trust

Children often pick up much more than we guess they have. They overhear us, or sense information from our behaviours. They may fill in the blanks with their own imagination. It’s natural to want to protect tamariki when we think the real information is too scary, but the truth is, the absence of information can be much scarier. Depending on the age of your child, you don’t need to provide all the details, but it is useful if your explanation offers a whole or complete picture.  

This guide provides step-by-step support for how to have these tough conversations in a gentle, honest way.

All Emotions Are Okay

Assisted dying is a complex topic, and the children and young people in your care may feel angry or confused by their loved one’s decision to have an assisted death. By normalising conversations about how you are all feeling, you can create a safe space for them to share these complex emotions before your loved one’s death, and afterwards.  

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Key Topics Covered

Quick Tips for Starting the Conversation

‍Begin with simple, honest explanations and let your child’s age, personality, and the questions they ask guide the depth of detail.

1. Use clear, direct language. Do not use euphemisms like ‘go to sleep’, as these can cause confusion or distress.

2. In words that feel right for you, explain that their loved one is very sick and doesn’t want to feel pain anymore. They have chosen an assisted death because it will give them peace and relieve their suffering.  

Common Questions and Answers

‍The “Six Cs” are common concerns and questions that tamariki have when someone they care about has a serious illness:

• What is it called?

• Can I catch it?

• Did I cause it?

• Can I cure it?

• Who will take care of me?

• How can I stay connected to the person I love?

Children often ask questions that are really difficult to answer. When you don't know the answer to a question, it’s okay to be honest with your tamariki and tell them you don’t know, but that you’ll try to find out for them. That way, you show them that all questions are ‘fair game’ – everything is allowed – but that you don’t have all the answers.

Preparing for the Day

Knowing their loved one is going to die allows tamariki to choose to spend time with the person and say goodbye in a way that is right for them.  

Depending on the age of your tamariki, you can help them prepare by talking through – either in part or in full – what expect on the day.  In this guide, we walk you through the assisted dying process so you can decide how much to share with your child.  

Including Tamariki in an Assisted Death

In this guide, we explain that the decision whether or not to involve tamariki in their loved one’s assisted death will depend on what is best for their wellbeing and yours.  

If the tamariki in your care are going to be present, we provide plenty of ideas on how they can be involved in gentle and meaningful ways, which can be discussed with your loved one ahead of time.  

What to Expect when Tamariki are Grieving

‍Children grieve in different and unique ways. They may feel angry, sad, shocked, regretful, embarrassed or even relieved. They may loudly express their emotions or they may need time to process more privately. There is no one right way or right period of time to grieve.  

This resource explains that all these reactions are normal, and that the best things you can do for tamariki are:

• be present with them

• give them a safe space for expressing their emotions

• provide comfort and reassurance

• keep their routine as consistent as possible

Additional Resources and Support

‍The guide closes by highlighting national helplines (e.g. Lifeline) and child-focused services (e.g. Youthline, Kidsline). It also links to Kenzie’s Gift’s free resources on grief, memory kits, and professional therapy options for families who need more intensive support.

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The Benefits for Your Whānau

Emotional Wellbeing for Children

‍Clear, honest discussions lessen a child’s anxiety or confusion about assisted dying, helping them process grief in a healthy way and reducing future mental health risks.

Strengthened Parent/Caregiver-Child Bond

‍Children who feel heard and respected are more likely to trust you with complicated feelings. This trust is crucial as they continue to grow and face other life stressors.

Healthy Grieving is a Life Skill

Tamariki benefit when you teach them through words and actions that grief is a healthy and natural response to the illness or death of someone close to them, that everyone grieves differently, and the way they choose to grieve is okay.

Download or Order “How to talk to tamariki (children) and mātātahi (young people) about assisted dying”

If you’re ready to engage in compassionate, straightforward conversations that acknowledge your loved one’s decision to have an assisted death—and guide your child through the process—download or order this guide from Kenzie’s Gift today.  

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How to Get Your Copy

1. Choose Format: Decide between an instant digital download or a physical copy, depending on your family’s preference.

2. Contact Us: Email hello@kenziesgift.com if you need tailored support, including grief therapy or help with memory kits.

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Find More Support Through Kenzie’s Gift

Kenzie’s Gift offers free or low-cost therapy sessions, resources, and support kits for families affected by grief and serious illness. Whether you need additional advice on mental health services, or prefer one-on-one therapy, we’re here for you.

This support kit was developed with much aroha to assist our young Kiwis affected by serious illness or grief. We kindly request a koha of $5 to download the digital kit. This contribution helps ensure we can continue to expand our resources library with new initiatives to support our tamariki, rangatahi, and their whānau. Thank you for your understanding and aroha.