Supporting Tamariki Through Assisted Dying
Assisted dying recently became legal in Aotearoa, and whānau with a loved one facing terminal illness or intolerable suffering now have an additional option. This option brings with it a new challenge—how do we support our tamariki and mātātahi when a loved one chooses an assisted death?
Knowing when death will (likely) occur can provide families with a more specific time frame. Whānau have the option to plan the remaining time, prioritise meaningful moments together and create memories that tamariki can carry forward with them. With assisted death comes the possibility that children can prepare to say goodbye to their loved one in a way that feels right for them.
But this certainty and planned preparation also raises some tough questions that many whānau feel unprepared to navigate.
The questions whānau are asking us:
- How much should we tell tamariki about what's happening?
- What language helps them understand without causing unnecessary distress?
- How involved should tamariki and mātātahi be in the process of assisted death itself?
- How do we support them through feelings of anger, confusion, or guilt?
- How can I support tamariki when I also have a lot of feelings about what is happening?
Why this matters now
Children and young people facing the assisted death of a loved one may experience more complex emotions. As with any serious illness or death in the whānau, it’s so important that we normalise conversations about how everyone is feeling. With assisted dying, we can support tamariki by continuing to provide this safe space for sharing the full range of emotions as you prepare for the death, and afterwards. Our young people need to know that all feelings are on the table, and it’s so helpful for them when mātua model this too.
Our Response
At Kenzie's Gift, we've developed "How to talk to tamariki and mātātahi about assisted dying"—a comprehensive support kit to help mātua / parents and caregivers navigate sensitive conversations in a truthful and compassionate way. By addressing common questions, offering age-appropriate language, and suggesting practical steps, this resource enables you to approach an emotionally charged topic without fear and ensures children receive the reassurance they need.
